I was riding the train. The air smelled old, like seats of a previous era, an era that reflects so much upon today, a polaroid-like contrast stuck somewhere in time. The trees raced by while I thought about how many times the window next to me passed the same tree, never touching each other. We trust everything just a bit too much. The places and the people went by and no one had any excitement in their eyes, is that normal or is it the disease of our time, I can’t tell as I couldn’t tell gold from stone because I was never too fond of one or another.
A man sat down next to me, he smelled of trees and a newborn’s pinch of cinnamon. He wore thick framed glasses which made his eyes look incredibly big, his lower lip sticking out a nuance too much so he licks it, just every now and then. He looks at peace with the world. Noticing how I analyzed him, he asks if I really want to know.
“What? If I want to know what?”
“What happens when?”
“It was the third day of May and I got up for school, I turned 12 that year. As a child I had many imaginary friends, shapes I could construct with my fingers named after people I’ve known and lost, sharing the most intimate parts of my soul with them, sometimes they would even protect me. Birds fluttered around the garden and mom and dad already left for work. The grass was unbelievably green. As disturbed as I was, the Ritalin they fed me with didn’t help much, if it ever helped anyone. I secretly stopped taking it some months ago.
I was a depressed and sad child and nothing could catch my attention. At least I looked like that. However, that day the grass moved me. It was saturated, like it had a glow of it’s own, not just a mere reflection of the sun. I ran out of the building and stopped in the middle of the park, looking around feeling a confusing energy around me, an aura. As I sat down my chest was pulled down to the ground, I didn’t even catch a breath when I realized that my eyes were focused on the sun. Everything changed.
My body got weaker, my vision blurred. Eating food that I couldn’t pick from trees myself did not make any sense anymore. The only thing I could feel were goosebumps, just goosebumps. I hardly remember how pain feels. Inside, my will found a constant. Feeling alive became a constant. Old taught dualism failed inside of me, there was a ying, but no yang. Black but no white. Positive but no negative. I got an instant need to learn, travel, meet, talk, listen and most importantly, live. Like normal people need protein, I need occurrences. And experiences, my vitamins. Love are the fatty acids. You can only go on without them so long. Then you slowly start dying from the inside out.
So I am here, at the end of the world, talking. Oh, I have grown so weary of it. Here, my friend I stop. I stop talking and from now on I just listen. Breathe out and tell me everything you ever wanted to tell anyone.”